The Boy Who Lived in the WWE
by Dark Patrician
Summary: Story/Challenge There have been plenty of stories with Harry Potter raised by a wrestler, but what about an entire company of wrestlers and divas? If you take the challenge please refer to it as: Dark Patrician's: The Boy Who Lived in the WWE. And let me know when you've posted a chapter.
1. Where There's a Will & Challenge Rules

The Boy Who Lived in the WWE

 _Where There's a Will_

Of all the things you could call Vincent Kennedy McMahon, one of the most important ones would be business man. Time was very important to Mr. McMahon and he hated wasting time on stupid things like waiting in offices and sleeping. The only thing preventing him from storming out of the office was the fact that this meeting was about some old family friends of his, the Evans. Michael and Holly Evans were friends with his father and had lent him some of the money he needed to by the WWF from his father and turn into a worldwide phenomenon. Vince was legitimately saddened to hear about their passing several years ago followed by the death of another friend of his, their daughter Lily.

Vince was brought out of his thoughts by the sudden entry of the lawyer.

"Good afternoon, Mr. McMahon. Thank you for coming in. We've called you in today to discuss one of our firm's clients."

"I heard that Lily Evans had died, but that was months ago. Why am I just hearing about her will now?"

"Well Mr. McMahon, I'm afraid this will has had some unfortunate things happen to it. You see a few months ago there was a fire at our former office. This fire damaged many of our files and we've been struggling to get copies of all of the documents from our clients. One of these documents was a will written by one Lily Potter, formerly Lily Evans. It took us a while, but we finally got a copy from her sister Petunia Dursley. Unfortunately, her copy was also damaged," the lawyer explained.

"Okay," Vince answered, wondering how he fit into this.

"Between our two copies were able to make a complete and accurate reconstruction of her will...except for the page that explains what she wanted done with her son. See this is where things get very...unusual. We must follow the exact letter of the will as we can read it."

"Which means?" Vince asked.

"Well what's left of her will leaves guardianship of her son Harry to...your company."

"What?"

"Yeah, it starts 'My son Harry should be raised by...' and there are several words missing and then 'the World Wrestling Federation.'"

"Can you leave a child to be raised by a company?"

"Like I said, we have to follow it to the letter. So since your company cannot literally raise him, Harry will have to be raised by your employees."

* * *

 _Author's Note: Okay, not a great chapter, but here's the deal. This chapter is basically the template for the first chapter in a challenge: **Harry is raised by the WWF/E** , whatever year it is. I've read several fictions where either Harry becomes a wrestler, or is raised by the Undertaker (directly or by somebody who has Taker become part of Harry's life). But I have never read a story where a young Harry is raised in the WWE._

 _Rules:_

 _1.) Basically Harry is raised by a rotating cast of WWE wrestlers...with whoever you want, whenever you want. Want Harry to spend time with The Shield? Write it. Want Harry to go on the road with the Ultimate Warrior? Load the spaceship with the rocket fuel and write it. Want Harry to sit worried backstage at Wrestlemania as he watches one of his favorite "uncles", Edge, spear the other, Jeff Hardy, in mid-air? Write it! The time period doesn't matter!_

 _2.) Genre: Doesn't matter: Want a comedy fic where Harry helps DX prank people...write it. Want to write a serious chapter where CM Punk wonders how he's going to tell Harry that he's going to quit the WWE? I might cry, but if you want to...write it!_

 _3.) If you're going to have somebody in the WWE is going to teach Harry magic, its not the Undertaker or Kane. Wizard Taker and Kane have been done, I want to see somebody unexpected...like Damien Sandow or maybe Funaki, Smackdown #1 announcer and wizard._

 _4.) I don't want to read your series and after three chapters be able to say, "Oh its what (ex. Stone Cold) would do if he took Harry Potter's place." Sure seeing Harry flip the bird and hit the stunner all the Death Eaters in sight might make a good one shot...but if you try and make it last a dozen chapters, it's going to get old._

 _5.) Harry's time at Hogwarts: What he does is up to you, who he's friends with, house he's in...I don't care as long as his time in WWE is touched on. Also if he keeps that a secret or not is up to you, because say Dumbledore would take him away if he knew he wasn't at the Dursley's. Or if you don't want Harry to go to Hogwarts, write that. Hell, you can have him "home schooled," and write chapters based on that. Did you know Heath Slater is the greatest Potions Master in the Western Hemisphere? No? Well why else do you think he's still with the company?_

 _6.) Reality: If you want the story accurate to the real lives of the men and women who perform...go for it, ex. Phil Brooks instead of CM you don't then don't worry about it. If the story is only accurate to the stories played out on air, then that's fine. So if you want the WCW/ECW Invasion storyline of 2001 or the Nexus's attacks to be real events...write that._

 _Other than that...have fun with it. I want to read something interesting. I'm going to take my own challenge too in the following chapters...except basically I'm just going to write a bunch of at best loosely connected one-shots because I have no idea what to do with...well all but a few scenes from Books 1-3._


	2. The Duel

_The Duel_

 _Note: If what is said didn't happen in the book, just roll with it._

Draco Malfoy was confused, he had studied the glass that held Gryffindor house points and it looked exactly the same as it had when he left the Great Hall last night.

'What happened?' the blond pureblood thought to himself as he sat at his house table. 'I had everything figured out, I lured Potter and his pet Weasel far from his dorm, late at night. I even tipped the squib off so he'd catch him? What went wrong?' Draco's train of thought was stopped by the sudden appearance of Argus Filch at his side.

"You lied to me Malfoy," Filch stated, "you told me there would be students out of bed in the trophy room."

"They were there!" Malfoy countered.

"There was one student there, I found Mr. Potter there. And do you know what Mr. Potter was doing?"

"Breaking the rules?" Draco offered.

"Waiting for you," Filch answered.

"I wasn't there!" Draco shouted drawing the attention of everybody in the hall and causing the professors to come running to see what the commotion was about.

"Argus, what's going on?" Dumbledore asked.

"I caught Mr. Potter out of bounds last night..." Filch began.

"One hundred points from Gryffindor." Snape snapped immediately. The gems started to travel out of the bottom of the hourglass until...

"Hold it Professor, this is out of your jurisdiction." Filch interrupted. The gems stopped and returned to their original position.

"While a bit quick to deal a punishment, Professor Snape was well within his rights to issue it," Dumbledore stated.

"No, the reason Mr. Potter was out was because he had been challenged to a Wizard's Duel by Mr. Malfoy. One of the duties of my job is to watch over the official log of Duels issued within Hogwarts. I checked it after Mr. Potter explained himself. Imagine my surprise when not only had the school accepted the duel as official, but had also recorded the duel as a forfeit by Mr. Malfoy for failing to appear." Filch explained as he stared down Draco.

"What? No, I never challenged..." Draco began.

"The log" Filch continued, cutting him off, "also recorded who was present at the time of the challenge, I asked several of them from different houses and they all said you challenged him."

"Now Argus, we both know that duels are banned without express permission of the staff." Dumbledore explained.

"Did you announce that at the beginning of the year feast?" Filch asked.

"No, but I thought it went without saying."

"It doesn't, they're young and stupid, they need to know they can't make official duels over any stupid thing they want." Filch explained. "Now normally, for making a duel and not appearing, the punishment from Hogwarts would be three months detention plus whatever forfeit Mr. Potter asked for. However, he has decided to be sporting and give you a second chance."

"Good." Dumbldore interrupted again and continued on happily, "Everybody deserves a second chance, and I'm sure that the boys will put whatever silly thing made them mad behind them and forget the matter."

"Not that kind of second chance. Mr. Malfoy, your rematch with Mr. Potter has been rescheduled for tonight in the center of the Quiddich pitch, one hour after sunset." Filch continued. "This has been cleared with the registrar of duels, myself, which in matters of dueling overrides the will of the headmaster. If you do not want to forfeit half of the Malfoy family's holdings, I would advise you to appear. You may choose anybody you like for your second. Mr. Potter's second..."

"Is me." Ron Weasley spoke up. "I'm Harry's second."

"Oh yes, Mr. Weasley, I almost forgot about you." Mr. Filch stated, "Hogwarts records not only who issues challenges, but also who accepts them. Imagine my surprise in reading that the challenge issued by Mr. Malfoy to Mr. Potter was first accepted by Ron Weasley. I don't know who taught you the rules of dueling, but only the one the challenge was issued to can accept it and choose their second. Mr. Potter was only in the room because you convinced him to be there and then you ran at the first sign of trouble. Fifty points from Gryffindor for forcing a duel to occur and cowardice."

"But..."

"Now go sit down before I take another fifty for disrespecting an official." Ron sat down as his dorm mates looked at him in shock and anger for what he had done. "As I was saying, you may choose anybody you like for your second. This does include anybody from outside Hogwarts." Draco immediately started working on what he'd say to his father when he asked for his help.

"As per the established, pre-duel rules both competitors may choose what company they keep for preparation and who they want kept away. Mr. Potter has decided to spend his time in private away from anybody else except his chosen second and associates when they arrive. And yes," Filch added as Dumbledore opened his mouth, "that includes you, Headmaster. Professor Flitwick as an established duelist will referee. See you one hour after sunset. Oh and to ensure that the duel commences, you must be in the ring first." And with that Filch turned and walked out of the room, ignoring the excited murmuring of the students. Argus was pleased that the boy his cousin William Regal had been mentoring was smart enough to know how to bend the rules to his advantage. 'Let's see how the Malfoy's like Harry's Uncle Paul and Paul's friends.'

*Hours later*

"Well here we are folks. We are minutes away from start time for the duel." Lee Jordan explained. Why he was being allowed to do commentary was anybody's guess but he was there. Draco Malfoy and his father stood in the middle of the Quiddich Pitch on an elevated platform. "And the question everybody's asking, 'Where is Harry Potter?' Nobody has seen him all day and..." Lee's voice was suddenly silenced along with every other sound in the stadium. The stadium lights went out, plunging them all into darkness and causing the hair on the back of everybody's neck to rise.

"Oh yes!" a high pitched voice cried out. This cry was followed a chorus of men all chanting in Latin:

 _"Venit finis tuus;_

 _Facite cum mundo;_

 _Messorem ne Spirituum venarit;_

 _Spero te non meiamus teipsum."_

As the words filled the stadium, an eerie purple glow bathed the stadium revealing a cloud of fog had rolled in, covering the ground leaving only the platform visible. All eyes fell on the entrance as a dozen robed figures marched forward bearing torches, at the head of the group walked a pale and portly man dressed in a dark suit and tie bearing a golden urn. The torch bearers took their places, paired off, evenly spaced between entrance and platform. When the urn bearer had reached the platform, he turned around to face the entrance and raised the urn high into the air. The chanting stopped and then...

*Gong*

The sound of gong tolling rang out, followed by a clap of thunder, and what sounded like Frédéric Chopin's " _Marche Funèbre" or "Funeral March_ " started playing.

At the entrance appeared Harry Potter, dressed all in black wearing a long leather trench coat and a Stetson. Harry moved forward toward the platform, he was perfectly still, but was still moving. As he paced between the torch bearers, they raised their flames high over his head in salute. The crowd stared and almost as one they realized that Harry wasn't walking...he was floating toward the ring.

The Boy-Who-Lived lifted his arms up and the lights came back up. He took his first step onto the platform, closely followed by the urn-bearer. Harry took another step and shrugged off his coat. He stopped and tipped his head, bringing his hands up to grasp his hat, he pulled it off his head and snapped his head up to stare at Draco, his normally emerald green eyes replaced by milky white spheres. Harry passed his hat to his ghostly pale second and continued to stare down Draco.

"Both seconds please leave the platform." Flitwick ordered. Lucius backed away as regally as he could, even though his knees were knocking together in fear. Harry's 'Uncle Paul' or as he was professionally known, Paul Bearer left the ring as well, cackling happily.

"And duel!" Flitwich ordered. Harry continued to stare at Draco, unnerving the Malfoy heir, causing his non-wand hand to shake. Harry still stared at Draco as he brought his right thumb up to his throat and slowly drew it across the throat in a slashing motion as his green eyes turned white again. Draco responded with the bravest thing he could think of: a squeak of fear before he collapsed in a heap, a small puddle forming beneath him. "Draco Malfoy is unable to continue! He will be replaced by his second!" All eyes turned to the elder Malfoy, only to find him passed out on the grass just like his son.

"Lucius Malfoy is unable to continue! This duel's winner is Harry Potter!" Flitwich announced. His urn bearer rushed onto the platform, urn raised in triumph and stood before Harry. Harry dropped to his left knee, his right leg extended before him, his right elbow on his right knee with his hand raised upward. The lights changed toward a purple hue once more, bathing the arena in their eerie light as the music Harry entered to played once more. Harry held his salute for a few more seconds before rising to his feet. The duo walked off the platform toward the entrance and once there, Harry stopped and raised his right arm into the air in triumph and then disappeared with his party as a bolt of lightning struck where they stood.

It was after this encounter that Draco Malfoy would be able to see Thestrals.

 _End_

* * *

 _Author's Note: I dedicate this chapter to the Undertaker and his impressive 25 year long WWE career, the late, great Alan Rickman, and to my father who is a fan of both genres, and my greatest supporter._

 _What I intended for the Latin to translate to:_

 _"Your end has come;_

 _Make your peace with the world;_

 _The Reaper of Souls approaches;_

 _I hope you don't pee yourself._


	3. 24-7

Chapter Three: 24/7

 _The following events take place sometime in 2000...unless its impossible in which case, alternate universe so it is._

Crash Holly ran through the hallways of the arena. Once a month, Vince McMahon would call all of the wrestlers together to discuss the general direction of the stories for the next month. He was late and he knew he was going to get yelled at, but he had a really good reason. Crash reached the room and opened the door in time to hear Vince talking.

"...and that's why we're having a bikini match tonight." Vince looked up to see Crash entering the room, "You're late Crash, but you are in time to talk about the Hardcore title." Vince noticed his champion was missing his belt, "Crash, where's the belt?"

"I lost the belt," Crash stated sheepishly.

"You lost it?" Stephanie asked. "Where were you when you last had it?"

"I was working out in the ring."

"Did you check to see if it fell off the ring and landed under the apron?"

"I didn't lose the belt, somebody beat me for the belt." Crash explained.

"Who pinned you?"

The door opened again and referee Tim White walked through and then held it open. He was followed by a child's shopping cart filled with all of the usual weapons you would see in a Hardcore match but scaled down so they could be used easily by a little kid. Specifically the five year old who was pushing the cart, Harry Potter, who walked in smiling and wearing the Hardcore Title across his chest like a bandolier.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to make sure I had everything for the Last Man Standing Hardcore Battle Royal tonight," Harry apologized.

"Harry?" Stephanie asked.

"Harry?" Vince repeated.

"Harry?" Everybody else in the room repeated.

"Harry." Crash confirmed.

"What happened?" Stephanie asked.

"Well," Crash began, "I was practicing in the ring and I heard this giggle behind me and the next thing I know I feel a hit behind my knee and there's Harry. So I go down, because you know its Harry, when he starts to wrestle, you gotta wrestle back." The guys in the room all nodded in agreement, having "wrestled" with Harry many times over the years. "So we go back and forth for a few minutes and Harry pulls in his tiny folding chair and hits me in the back and I go down and then he bounced of the ropes and hit me with a splash. Well I'm laying there 'dazed'" Crash emphasized the word trying to let everybody know he wasn't really out, "Next thing know, I'm hearing a hand hitting the mat, and I think its Harry. Well after the third hit, Harry jumps off me, grabs my belt and runs out of the ring as fast as he can. I'm about to chase after him to tell him that he's not the champion when I see that Tim here got into the ring and counted the three."

At the mention of his name, every woman in the room stared at the ref, as if they were trying to light him on fire with their minds. Fun fact, this moment is also where that series of skits where Tim White tries to kill himself was first conceived, except the rough drafts were all Tim White getting killed by one of the women.

"So, I've spent the past hour hunting for Harry." Crash finished.

"So when does my match come on the card?" Harry asked, ignorant to the atmosphere in the room.

"Harry," Stephanie began, "as proud as we would be to have you as champion, we can't have a five year old fight in hardcore matches."

"We could say he's a midget wrestler," Vince thought out loud, "Book him as the first midget Hardcore Champion and nobody would notice." Vince looked around the room and saw that everybody was looking at him with a mixture of disbelief and a look that said they would punch him if he actually did it. "Okay fine, but we're going have a midget wrestler someday...maybe dress him as a leprechaun."

"Anyway," Stephanie interrupted, wondering not for the first time if her father had hit his head one time too many, "I'm sorry Harry, but you're going to have to surrender the belt."

"I can't," Harry answered.

"Harry." Stephanie stated in a commanding tone.

"I can't," Harry repeated, "The Hardcore Title can't be surrendered or stripped off of a guy. Shane read me the rules for title belts at bedtime and that belt and the Light Heavyweight title are the only two belts that can't be surrendered or stripped from a competitor. That's why Gillberg was still champion while he was gone."

"He's right," Shane stated. "We can't take the belt off of Harry, so somebody is going to have to beat him for the belt."

The room fell silent, while most of the people in there wouldn't mind being Hardcore Champion, nobody wanted to become champion by pinning a five year old. Well almost nobody. The Mean Street Posse quickly rushed Harry in their attempt to win gold.

Unfortunately for them, Harry was ready to be attacked. He spun his cart around and pushed it forward, catching Pete Gas in the knee with the end of it, stunning him. Harry pulled out a pair of trash can lids and slammed them onto either side of Pete's head, knocking him out. Rodney charged Harry next, but Harry pulled out a small trash can and caught Rodney in the gut. As he stumbled back, Harry dropped the can and pulled off a drop toe hold on his taller opponent sending his head crashing into the can, putting him to sleep too.

Joey Abs was the last to attack, but Harry took his hesitation to pull out a kid sized kendo stick and proceeded to lay into him like a whirling dervish, raining blows on the third man who grew up on the mean streets of Greenwich, CO. Joey fell to his knees and lifted his head up just in time to take a shot to the forehead knocking him out.

If anybody looked at Steve Blackman at that moment, you would see the corner of his mouth briefly twitch upward. If he were any other man, he would be grinning from ear to ear and loudly exclaiming, "That's my boy."

"Harry," Stephanie stated, drawing the fighting champions attention, "nobody doubts that you would be a great champion its just...it would look bad if we had a child holding one of our championships. You remember the stink people raised when we put a toy mannequin head in with Al Snow's toy right?"

"Yeah." Harry admitted. "So I gotta let somebody pin me?"

"Yes," Stephanie said, "and since he was the previous champion, Crash you should be the one to pin Harry." The other wrestlers looked at Stephanie and Crash. Crash knew that if he pinned Harry, he would get so much heat from the guys, they'd make his life a living hell.

"Okay," Crash said, "Harry, we gotta do this, lay down. Tim, count fast." Sadly, Harry laid down, Tim White got into position and Crash got down onto the floor next to Harry and put one arm on him to pin his shoulders to the floor. All of the wrestlers in the room closed their eyes, so they wouldn't have to see Harry lose in such a terrible way. Tim brought his hand down to the floor as fast as he could three times. After the third sound of a hand hitting the floor, everybody looked and were surprised. Somehow Crash had managed to lay down on the floor right next to Harry and pulled one of his arms on top of Crash's body so the two of them were laying on the ground side by side.

"Well, looks like its a draw," Crash said as he got up and pulled Harry up, "We were both pinned for a three count."

"What does that mean?" Harry asked.

"Well, since it was a title match and both of our shoulders were pinned to the mat, I guess this means we're co-champions," Crash explained. "We'll split defending the championship fifty-fifty, I'll defend it at house shows and whenever the camera's rolling and you'll defend it everywhere else."

Everybody looked at him and Crash looked at them, "Right guys." The wrestlers looked at each other trying to figure out if they could do this. The silence was broken by Stone Cold walking up to Harry.

"That's good enough for me," the Texas Rattlesnake stated, "come on champ, lets celebrate your first title win with a beer." Austin felt a dozen pairs of female eyes ready to burn a hole in him, "Root beer." he corrected and with that Austin quickly pulled Harry and his belt out of the room, followed by Harry's partner, and the rest of the locker room because this might mean Austin was going to throw a beer bash and that was way more interesting than the meeting.

"Okay, I guess we'll go with that," Vince announced to the room that was empty of everybody that he wasn't related to.

And so in the official record book of the WWE, there is an entry that reads "Co-Hardcore Champions Crash Holly & Harry Potter."

 _Author's Note: I wrote this because I just loved the visual of a five year old Harry Potter as Hardcore champion beating people up. If you enjoyed it too, please review._

 _This chapter is dedicated to "_ _The Houdini of Hardcore" Crash Holly,_ _Michael John "Mike" Lockwood, rest in peace, your 22 Hardcore title reigns were some of my favorite to watch._


	4. Monster

Story 4: Monster

 _Note: This is a separate timeline from the other chapters, but then again just about every one of the one shots is a separate timeline so...enjoy. Everything's owned by whoever owns it and not me._

 _Also if I put * * around a word, it means a sound._

There was a monster in Hogwarts. Nobody knew what it was, or what it looked like, but everybody knew it was a monster. For only a monster, either some dark creature or a psychotically deranged person, could roam the halls incapacitating people. For the past few weeks, students had been found in the hallways lying on the ground. Only the slight rise and fall of their chests showed that they were not dead as everybody believed them to be.

Argus Filch stalked the halls looking for this monster. He would not let anything terrorize and harm the students of the school...that was his job, well that and locking the front door at night...but mostly the terror thing. The aged caretaker continued his patrol, his lantern in hand to lead him in the darkened hallways. His path lead him to an intersection near one of the bathrooms when he heard a noise, like something was sliding along the ground. _*Scrape*_ Argus stood in the center of the intersection and looked around for the source, shining his light into the darkness.

 _*Scrape*_

Argus spun to his left, nothing.

 _*Scrape*_

Argus spun to his right, still nothing.

 _*Scrape*_

Argus bolted back the way he came, whatever the monster was, Argus knew he was going to need help.

 _*Scrape*_

Argus stopped, the sound came from the darkness in front of him.

 _*Scrape*_ Behind.

 _*Scrape*_ In front.

Argus put his back to a wall and looked one way and then the other, desperately trying to catch a glimpse of whatever was out there.

 _*Scrape*_ Behind.

In a panic, he dropped his lantern plunging the hallway into inky blackness and ran down one of the halls, praying that the beast couldn't see him in the dark.

 _*Scrape*_ Behind.

Argus continued running, forgetting where he was, and turning whenever he could in the hope that he could dodge the beast.

 _*Scrape*_ Behind.

Suddenly, he ran into a wall finding himself at a poorly named dead-end. Argus recovered and spun back around, eyes straining to see something, anything in the void. His heart almost gave out when he finally got his wish, he saw something...eyes. A pair of eyes staring out of the darkness, promising the end of things. A shriek of terror escaped the squib's lips before everything was dark again and he fell to the ground.

The next morning, Argus's body was found like many of the others. He was brought to hospital wing, but there wasn't anything Madam Pomfrey could do for him.

As the school swung between the emotions of fear and joy at the state of the man who had terrorized them for so long, one student sat in his room, happily writing a letter to one of his uncles who had taken him under his wing and shown him everything he knew.

"Uncle Randy is going to be so proud that I knocked off my first 'legend'." Harry Potter said happily as he wrote Argus Filch's name and the date of the attack down. "I wonder who I should go after next...Hm?" Harry turned to his right and look at someone or something that wasn't there. "No, I can't go after him, he's too nice...No, everybody might know him, but..." Harry turned to his left like somebody had just said something. "That's a good point, I should go after a Head of House, they're way more well known. You're really good at counseling me, you really do understand. I'm glad you talk to me."

Harry closed up his letter and began walking to the owlery to give his letter to Hedwig to deliver as the voices discussed the best plan to strike their next target.

 _A belated Happy Halloween to everybody._


End file.
